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My group of girlfriends and I have hosted bridal showers and baby showers for all of our children, and between us, that’s more than 30 large showers that we’ve given. We’ve had themes, couple showers, afternoon teas — you name it, we’ve likely done it.
One of my favorite showers that we hosted took place on our friend’s rural property, with a horse barn and a lovely wooded path. We created vignettes along the path, and each featured a sign telling part of the honored couple’s story.
We rented a huge farm table and placed it in the front yard, with string lights hanging from the trees. We stored drinks in the tractor scoop and set up a bourbon bar in the barn. There were flowers everywhere, and it was all very magical.
Until it wasn’t. An unexpected downpour came through just as we were sitting down for dinner. Fortunately, the menu for this shower was pizza (along with lots of various homemade snacks). We had to improvise quickly. We moved the table inside the garage, set up some card tables and folding chairs, and called it good. It was one of the best nights ever.
Hosting an event for 50-70 people requires good planning, lots of lists and the willingness to be flexible if some of those plans go kaput. We typically hold our first host meeting a couple of months prior to the event and nail down the basic logistics: what’s the theme, who will purchase what, who will prepare the invitations, who will plan the menu, and who will decorate.
At this point, we’ve done so many events that these things are pretty much understood. Everyone has their gifts, and we all know what each other is best at.
Who hosts and who’s on the guest list
When you plan a bridal shower, the guest list comes from the bride and is pulled from the wedding list. Everybody invited to the shower gets invited to the wedding. That is the one etiquette rule we never skip.
Who hosts a bridal shower used to have one answer: the maid of honor, the bridesmaids, or a close friend of the bride. Family stayed out of it so the party didn’t look like the bride’s own people asking for gifts. That’s loosened up considerably. Mothers, sisters, aunts, and coworkers all host now, and nobody bats an eye.
Host with other people if you possibly can. Four or five is a good, manageable number: one on invitations, one on the space and the tables, one on drinks, and one running the food. Split the cost the same way, and agree on the budget before anybody orders anything. Put your math whiz-spreadsheet queen friend in charge of the finances so she can keep everyone on track and divvy up expenses at the end.
A six-week planning timeline
Hold the shower two to three months before the wedding. There is so much activity around the wedding with bachelorette parties, other showers, and family events that we always try to have our shower sort of kick off all those fun wedding events, and doing it that far out means no interference. Once the date is set, most of the planning for the shower fits into six weeks.
- Six weeks out. Lock the date and the time with the bride, settle the guest list, pick the space, and divide the jobs among the hosts.
- Four weeks out. Send invitations. Draft the menu long, then cut it down. Our plans and menu always start out much larger than the final selections, but that’s a good way to go: start with a list of what you think would go great together and then pare it down to what’s manageable. Borrow or rent platters, drink dispensers, and folding tables now rather than the week of.
- Two weeks out. Count the RSVPs, contact those stragglers who haven’t sent their RSVP, and set your final quantities. Order the cake. Buy anything shelf-stable, including drinks, ice bags, napkins, and candles.
- Three days out. Shop for everything perishable. Make anything that keeps, such as dips, spreads, cookies, and bars.
- The day before. Cook and decorate anything that you can. This is the long day, and the more you put on it, the calmer the next one is. Chop, poach, bake, and assemble everything that will hold overnight. Set the tables and lay out the serving pieces with a sticky note on each one saying what goes in it.
- The morning of. Slice bread, dress salads, arrange platters, and fill drink dispensers. Finish decorating. Leave yourself an hour of nothing before the first guest arrives.
The sticky notes sound fussy, but trust me. I use this method anytime I entertain. It helps me not forget something I made days in advance and also gives me a good visual of how everything will work together.
Putting together the bridal shower menu
A bridal shower menu largely depends on what time you start, so pick the time first, and then it’s easier to select the food choices.
A bridal shower brunch menu
An eleven o’clock start is the easiest shower to host, because brunch food is forgiving and most of it can be made ahead. A breakfast casserole or a strata assembled the night before, a big bowl of fruit, a basket of biscuits, and something sweet is a complete menu.
We once hosted a brunch baby shower for a young lady whose nursery theme was camping and animals. We created the theme of the shower around that and had so much fun coming up with clever names for all the food.
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An afternoon menu
For some reason, two o’clock is a classic shower hour, but I find it’s the hardest to feed, because guests arrive having eaten lunch already, but it’s too early to serve dinner. Finger food is really the best option for an afternoon party. You could also do a tea party and just serve desserts along with some nuts and fruits.
We love things like Cucumber Tea Sandwiches and Southern Cheese Straws. Think of alternative and unique ways to serve the items, whether it’s martini glasses, mint julep cups, or something else.
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An evening menu
We almost always prefer to host an evening shower. We usually host couples showers, and we like to serve a signature cocktail, along with wine and beer, so evening seems to work best.
Six o’clock is a great start time. For this shower, you’ll need either a main entree with lots of sides, or a table full of heavy appetizers. The menu depends on several factors: the couple and their likes and dislikes, the theme of the shower, how much space you have, whether it’s a buffet or plated meal, and whether the space has kitchen facilities (refrigerator, stove, microwave, etc.).
Most of the time we have hosted showers at one of our homes, but for several of them we rented event space.
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What to pour
First decide whether you’re offering a full bar or just beer and wine with a signature cocktail. I strongly suggest hiring a bartender if you’re offering a full bar. If you’re offering just beer and wine, you can either set up a table for folks to serve themselves, or hire someone to pour.
Don’t forget to include a fun non-alcoholic choice, along with water, sweet tea, and Cokes. We like to serve the water and tea from pretty dispensers, and if the wine and beer are self-serve, we’ll set them out in large containers filled with ice.
How much food to make
This is always one of the hardest things to figure out. Our rule of thumb for a two-hour shower with no seated meal is about ten to twelve bites per guest across the whole table, which usually means five or six dishes for a group of twenty. For an evening shower with a main dish, count on one generous serving of the main per person plus three or four sides, and expect the sides to disappear faster than the meat.
The number that matters most is how much you can make ahead. Aim for three-quarters of the menu finished before the day of the party. Dips, spreads, pimento cheese, chicken salad, cookies, and bars all improve after a night in the refrigerator. Southern Deviled Eggs can be boiled and peeled two days ahead and filled the morning of.
Of course, as a good Southern hostess, my one non-negotiable rule is always that I’d rather have too much food than not enough. I err on the side of adding more, which makes my friends a little crazy, but we don’t run out of food.
The order of the day
Part of your planning process needs to include how the event will unfold. Guests arrive over the first half hour and need a drink in hand and something to eat within a few minutes of walking in, or they’ll cluster by the door, chatting.
Several times we’ve set up a little table outside the entrance and placed champagne glasses there for people to grab as they’re walking in. Everyone loves this!
We have some food available as soon as guests arrive, with the main table opening later after the bridal couple has arrived. If you don’t have space for everyone to sit, set up some tall tables that work for holding plates and drinks.
After everyone has arrived and chatted for a bit, one of us will speak about the couple, and then we’ll have a blessing and everyone will start eating. We usually have everything set up buffet style. The party flows more easily, and most people don’t have room in their home to set up 50-60 people for a sit-down plated dinner.
We don’t usually play games, and we never have the couple open gifts at the shower. That’s such a long, time-consuming, boring process for almost everyone except the gift recipients.
Got questions? We’ve got answers!
Having hosted more than 30 wedding and baby showers over the last 15 years, my girlfriends and I are here for you! Send me any questions you have that aren’t covered here.
The hosts pay. If the maid of honor and the bridesmaids are throwing it, they split the cost among themselves, and if family is hosting, the family covers it. The bride is never asked to contribute. If the cost is more than the hosts can carry, cut the guest list or move to a brunch shower.
That often depends on the event space. If you’ve rented a venue, then you likely have a contracted time. If you’re at someone’s home, then you have more flexibility, but only so much. Put the end time on the invitation so guests can plan around it, and so the hosts have permission to wind things down. A shower that runs past three hours will start to lose its luster.
You can, and it works best when the guest lists are nearly identical, and everybody is in town for one weekend anyway. The usual arrangement is the shower in the afternoon and the bachelorette in the evening. Keep them as separate events with separate tones rather than trying to blend them, because the grandmothers and the group going out later want very different parties.
That’s a hard no for my group, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Ask her. Plenty of brides love it and plenty dread being watched for forty minutes. If she opens them, seat her where everyone can see. Put one person in charge of writing down who gave what (plan ahead to have pen and paper), and another on tossing paper so it doesn’t pile up. If the bride would rather not, set up a gift table and let guests see everything on display instead.
Not for a shower. Guests are already bringing a gift, and asking for food on top of that turns an invitation into an assignment and is just tacky. While I love a good potluck, that’s not the way to hold a bridal shower.
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