The Evolution of Southern Hospitality

It’s always a little shocking the first time someone who “ain’t from around here” finds themselves slamming to a stop in the middle of the road because all the cars in front of them pulled over for a funeral procession. Or the first time a neighbor, whom you’ve never even met, drops by with a basket of muffins to welcome you to the neighborhood.

The little things like these are what make Southern hospitality the renowned yet intangible concept that has been lauded for years. The rules are unwritten, yet every Southerner knows them because they’ve been bred into us for decades.

Why it took root in the South

A lot of it comes down to geography. For most of its history, the South was rural and spread out, with towns far apart and only a handful of inns once you left the city. If you were traveling and the sun went down, you knocked on a farmhouse door and hoped for supper and a bed, and most of the time you got both. You might be sleeping on hay in the barn, but at least you had a roof over your head and a belly full of food.

Reputation mattered too. A family known for setting a good table and treating guests well had real social standing, and people protected that. Traditions also evolved from the hospitality customs Scottish, Irish, English, and other European settlers brought with them.

The harsh reality

One can’t talk about the evolution of Southern hospitality without acknowledging the contributions of enslaved African Americans. In the 1800s, Southern plantation owners wanted to look good to the abolitionists and others, so they put on a good show with their social habits, all of which was made possible by the enslaved African Americans.

For most Southerners, though, especially the poverty-stricken, helping their neighbor was genuine and necessary. They gathered to help build homes or barns or churches; to harvest each other’s crops; to mend fences when the herd escaped. And all of those scenarios involved food. Food has always been the backbone and remains the constant of Southern hospitality.

Who did the cooking

For generations, the food that earned the South its reputation came out of kitchens run by enslaved Black women and men, and after emancipation, by Black cooks who were paid almost nothing. African, Native American, and European cooking came together in those kitchens over a couple of hundred years, and that mix is what we call Southern food today. The guests always felt taken care of, but the cooks who made it possible rarely got credit.

Grandma died, and company’s coming

It sounds weird to say it, but funerals just might be where Southern hospitality really shines. When my grandfather died, we had barely gotten home from the hospital before folks started showing up with things. They didn’t ask. Nobody called up my Granny and said, “What do you need? What can I do?” because those are questions grieving people shouldn’t have to think about. Southerners just do it.

Mr. Mike dropped off a couple of coolers of ice and Cokes. Before the sun went down, Miss Emily’s famous pound cake was sitting on the counter. Someone else brought over all the fixins’ for ham and turkey sandwiches. And of course, the next day, every casserole known to man started showing up.

This is because we know that pretty soon, people will start showing up. In the South, we don’t wait for the formal visitation. We drop by our neighbor’s house to give a hug and tell them how sorry we are for their loss. There’s a lot of sitting around, visiting, and storytelling that takes place after someone dies, and you’ve got to have plenty of food for those guests. Because also in the South, there’s an expectation that if you’re in someone’s home for more than 5 minutes, you’re going to be fed something.

And that’s just at the house. After the funeral, the church feeds everybody lunch. Doesn’t matter what denomination you are; your church is feeding lunch to your family and anyone else who wants to join.

Old-fashioned Cream Cheese Pound Cake

2 hours 20 minutes

Poppy Seed Chicken Casserole

45 minutes

Chicken Pie

1 hour 15 minutes

Hershey’s Chocolate Cake

55 minutes

Food is our love language

Our fixation on feeding people is not limited to funerals. At my first wedding, when I was 18 and clueless, I had absolutely nothing to do with the reception. The church ladies fixed everything. Somebody even made a groom’s cake at the last minute.

Cucumber Tea Sandwiches

20 minutes

These cucumber tea sandwiches with cream cheese and dill are simple to make and will lend an old-fashioned elegance to your next party!

When you have a baby, you already know that people are going to bring enough food to stock your freezer for months. And even just a broken bone warrants care and concern. When Casey, my youngest, broke his collarbone in high school, my friend Rita showed up the next day with his favorite Cheese Grits Casserole, and his friend’s mom brought over his favorite Oreo Balls.

Got the flu? Someone is probably going to drop off some Chicken Noodle Soup on your front porch, along with a basket of homemade Buttermilk Biscuits for breakfast. And heaven forbid someone comes down with a chronic or long-term illness like cancer. We’re setting up a meal train and feeding them for months.

If you somehow find yourself alone for a holiday and your neighbors get wind of it, you won’t be alone for long. You’ll be invited to join someone’s Thanksgiving dinner, or go to church on Christmas Eve with the family and then stick around for supper.

Roast Turkey Recipe

4 hours 30 minutes

Creamy Mac and Cheese (No Egg)

1 hour 10 minutes

Grandma’s Chicken Soup

40 minutes

Strawberry Cake with Jello

1 hour 18 minutes

Nobody celebrates love like the South

Southern hospitality isn’t limited to sad occasions or illness, either. There’s nothing we love more than hearing someone got engaged because that means bridal showers and weddings. My girlfriends and I have probably hosted 20 or more showers over the last 10 years or so. Once our kids started getting married, it seemed like every year there was either a wedding to celebrate or a baby on the way.

We also like to celebrate graduations, birthdays, anniversaries, and any other occasion that might call for raising a glass and eating some cake. Give us a reason to fire up the grill, and we’re having people over for burgers and hot dogs in the backyard.

Saturdays are for football

And then there’s football season. For those of us in the SEC, gameday is an unrivaled tradition. Tailgaters are always happy to have someone drop by their tent, even fans from the other team. If you’re not going to the game, then you’re probably either hosting a party yourself or going to someone’s house.

And man, do we know how to throw down a spread for gameday. You’ll find chili, dips, deviled eggs, nachos, brownies, and so many other delicious things. Nobody in the South goes on a diet during football season!

Chili Without Beans

2 hours 30 minutes

Honey Garlic Wings

1 hour 15 minutes

Pimento Cheese

10 minutes

Jalapeno Popper Dip Recipe (Baked)

40 minutes

How hospitality has changed

Hosting used to mean one woman working herself ragged in the kitchen while everybody else sat in the front room and visited. That tradition is mostly gone, and I’m glad of it. People are more inclined to host potlucks now, where everybody brings a dish, and the work gets spread around. (Although I have been accused of not being willing to delegate when it comes to Thanksgiving dinner, but hey, that’s Thanksgiving dinner!)

We’ve gotten easier about the details, too. Casual is fine, and nothing has to be fancy. While I do love to host a formal plated dinner party, with china and silver set out, most of the time our gatherings are casual and easy, and we eat buffet style, using my everyday plates and napkins. I do like to use regular plates and cloth napkins because I hate spending money on something that will be thrown away. However, there are certainly occasions where I’m pulling out paper plates and napkins.

Note: I’m obsessed with Hester & Cook paper placemats. I keep some in my cabinet all the time. My favorites are these Blue Hydrangea placemats and these round Magnolia placemats. I’ll use these at any fancy dinner party. Most of the time, I can reuse them several times if they don’t get dirty.

Make it your own

You don’t need anything fancy to provide Southern hospitality. All you need is a good heart and genuine care and concern for the folks around you. Get to know your neighbors so that you know when there’s a need. Keep a casserole in your freezer for a last-minute offering.

My best recommendation is to have a few menus to choose from for different occasions that you know like the back of your hand and can have ready in less than an hour. My go-to meal for families, whether grieving or celebrating, is usually my Rosemary Lemon Chicken, Southern Mashed Potatoes, Green Beans, and Cream Cheese Pound Cake. It’s easy, I can double it if needed, and it keeps for days once they have it.

For other occasions, I might take something else, like soup or chili, but usually I try to stick with something that works with most palates, both young and old.

Southern hospitality becomes a part of you, even if you’re not from the South. It’s the friendly wave when you walk or drive past someone. It’s holding the door or helping a lady with her groceries. It’s mowing the lawn when your neighbor is sick. It’s knowing that we’ve all got to work together if we’re going to get through this thing called life.